Here We Go!
Now I know we all have said the words when listening to another women’s relationship issues, “it couldn’t be me,” or “girl you a better women than me, I wouldn’t dare put up with that” and any other saying we may say that has its little judgmental undertone.
The truth is we all have things that we are willing to put up with in a relationship and some things are deal breakers for us.
Needless to say that looks different for all of us.
I know myself included I have put up with some pretty stuff dumb in a relationship. I have also done some dumb things for a relationship as well.
If you’re saying you haven’t, you’re either lying to yourself or you’re too young.
If you can think of one dumb thing you have done in a relationship, then I’m sure you can think of plenty more after that.
Then why are we so quick to judge the next women when she tells us her struggles in her relationship?
Although our lives may all look different on the outside, we all have felt the emotions of love, hurt, anger, regret, happiness, ect.
If we can all relate to how one another feels, why are we not more empathetic and slower with the judgement?
I am not sure if I even have the full of answer to this question. I may have an idea but I am unsure on how to articulate it. (here’s my attempt)
Where Does the Judgement Come From?
I honestly think the judgement of others truly comes from inside of us and is a reflection of our own insecurities.
It’s much easier to judge the next women and think they’re the “dumb ones” than to look at ourselves in the mirror and give ourselves that same energy.
I also think sometimes when expressing your concerns for the other women’s choices can come off as judgmental even when your intention is to be helpful. It was still judgmental.
We Need Each Other
The fear of being judged is one of the main reasons we don’t share our deepest, scariest feelings with one another and why our relationship with our sisters aren’t stronger.
We don’t trust that we won’t be judged by the next women. Instead we suffer in silence and try to deal with our troubles alone.
When in reality that fear of being judged is also coming from within you because you know what judging someone looks like and feels like. Because after all you have done it to others at some point in your life.
Our mental health as a whole is declining and we need each other more than anything. Some times you just need someone to vent to and let it all out without any judgement or advice.
The next time someone confides in you, just listen, with an open heart and open mind judgement free. Offer words of encouragement and affirmations.
A lot of the times we know what we need to do in a relationship and the decisions we need to make, but its harder to take the next step when you feel like you don’t have a family, friend, or community to fall back on.
You Still Have Yourself
Yes, I am encouraging us as women to come together and have more empathy for one and another to the women we know and the ones we don’t.
Please don’t forget to include yourself in this equation, all though too much alone time may not be healthy especially when you are in a dark mental state.
But always know you have yourself, you love yourself, you are enough and will always be enough and you are all you need!
Everything you are and ever will be in is already inside of you. Sometimes when things get hard you may need to talk it out with yourself. I do this by journaling, it’s a way a get my actual thoughts on paper and my responses. When I’m done I feel as if I had a legit conversation with someone.
After journaling about a certain problem or issue I often times don’t feel the need to discuss the matter after I have expressed it in my journal.
So, if you think its safer first start with yourself. Remember to be aware of the judgement you are passing on the beautiful women in the mirror and start speaking words of affirmations and encouragement.
The more you do this the easier it will become.
You will then be able to catch your judgmental thoughts and feelings towards other women, be able to identify it within yourself and remember to be kind, speak words of affirmations and encouragement.
Listen to this episode on the Ny’s Growing Space Podcast