When I was in my early teens and was allowed to have “boyfriends”, my mom taught me something that has stuck with me until this very day.
She told me that every relationship must have 3 key components in order to last and they are LOVE, TRUST, AND COMMUNICATION. She said you can’t have one or some of those without the others. If any one of them is missing, the relationship is not going to work.
I lowkey think that was her way of telling me that my current boyfriend and I weren’t going to last. She was right, to say the least.
But little did I know this very short lesson helped me to gauge and determine the longevity of any relationship I was in.
I still use this in my marriage to make sure we remain on the right track. If one of those three things is lacking, we figure out why and work on it.
But she broke it down like this (pretty sure this won’t be verbatim, as it was more 10 years ago):
In any long term relationship or any personal relationship for that matter, it has to have love. This is kind of like a ‘duh’ moment, but you’ll be surprised at how many people are in relationships and do not love who they are with.
There are also those couples who say they fell out of love with each other, which is what led to their divorce or break-up.
Love is the component that can give us the patience and foundation we need to make the relationship work.
But is love enough to keep a relationship together?
Of course not, otherwise this blog would be the one thing you need to make a relationship last.
Anyhow, the lack of love in a relationship is only a sign that it will be coming to an end soon.
Again you may be thinking it’s another ‘duh’, but of course you need trust for a relationship to last. However, there are so many people who are in relationships with people they do not trust. I’m sure you can think of a relationship you’ve been in and couldn’t trust the person as far as you could see them.
Stop and think about that time. Now remember that they are now your EX!
Or you may be the person that was not trusted. Whether it was justified distrust or not, the relationship is over.
If you’re reading this and you are currently in a relationship that lacks trust, I’m not saying your relationship is over so you should leave your partner.
What I am saying is that if trust is an issue, you both need to be doing everything y’all can to build that trust. Do not stop until there is a strong foundation of trust.
The moment someone gives up on building trust is the moment the relationship is over. It may not be over literally at that moment, but sooner or later it will be.
The last obvious component that makes a long lasting relationship, but not many couples do very well, is communication.
I always hear “all women want to do is communicate and talk about feelings.” And “men never want to talk about their feelings.”
Communication is so hard and is by far the one my husband and I struggle with the most. The majority of our disagreements are rooted in some sort of miscommunication.
I’m sure there are many couples out there who can relate to this.
We have worked extremely hard over the years to rebuild the trust that was broken during our younger years of being together. Now our trust is solid and we both understand that no one has the power to fuck that up but US and we LOVE each too much to do that.
We are all unique people who come from different backgrounds, life experiences, etc. We have different perspectives about life and experiences and how we choose to handle things.
There are so many things that influence the way we communicate in our relationship, so I’m going to write another blog solely about communication in your relationship. Otherwise you would be here all night.
My husband and I are constantly working on our communication and learning how to speak to one another in a way that we can express our true feelings without hurting the other person.
We are not where we want to be in our marriage with our communication, but we have come a long way and made a lot of progress.
Take some time to reflect on your past and current relationships. Think back and see if that relationship had all 3 of these components. I could not think of one relationship that I was in that had all 3 and it still didn’t work: it was missing at least one of them.
If you are in a relationship, use this as a little evaluation tool to see what you need to work on in your relationship or if it’s beyond repair.
If you find that your relationship is lacking or completely missing one of the three components, first decide if you even care enough to work on it. Sometimes the person may not be worth the time and energy, and that’s OK.
Save your energy for the person deserving of it (sometimes that person is you).
But it you want to make it work, then do just that. I know I did! However, making it work isn’t as easy as it seems and without seeing progress from the work, it is just like a dog chasing its tail.
Make sure you are making progress!
Outside of love, trust, and communication, what other components do you think a relationship should have?