We all, at some time or another, have given and received some relationship advice; some of it good and some of it not so good. Needless to say, I don’t take relationship advice, nor do I seek it (anymore). As with most things I had to learn the hard way. I’ve received relationship advice from various family members and friends. I will share my experience in the ways I have received relationship advice and how it did not help me and why.
Friends and Family:
I know for me, most of my friends are my age and going through similar relationship issues. I know we’ve all heard the saying “the blind leading the blind”, well, it can be true in this case. I’m not saying that friends your age cannot give you sound advice, especially when the answer is quite simply that you’re not in a good relationship and you need to run fast.
Often times when we call our friends and family for advice, we’re upset and want somebody to hear our side and confirm our point of view, and to be honest, TO GAS US UP! I know I have been someone that has needed the gassing and has given the gassing. Our friends and family have one sided opinions and will only look at the situation from your perspective.
I believe that there is no way to give true advice if you don’t know or understand both people’s perspective.
Your family is no different! I know our Mommas have our best interest at heart, but they can be one sided as well. If they are too busy agreeing with you and trashing your significant other, how could they give you sound advice?
Oh, and let’s not forget that when you forgive your significant other (and you will), your family and friends will remember and treat them a certain way.
The Single People:
I know I’ve heard it time and time again, “Don’t take advice from someone who is single or never been married.” This is true to an extent, but you don’t need to be in a relationship or an expert to understand right from wrong and a healthy and unhealthy relationship. Some people are single by choice, but this isn’t about them! I’m talking about the other ones; the bitter ones, the ones that hate love and are talking stuff on Valentine’s Day on social media: THEM.
Be cautious of seeking advice from those single friends, as they will sometimes give you advice that will end you up in the single boat along with them. Misery does love company.
Of course there are always exceptions. I know for me, that having one sided friends and family and bad single friend advice has been an experience for me. I’ve also received great advice from family and friends that has strengthened my relationship on so many different levels. It’s just important for you to be able to identify who those people are. If you are not sure, ask yourself these questions:
- Do they take your side?
- Do they try to understand both perspectives?
- Do they give you solutions to make it work and not break up?
- Do they tell you not to hold a grudge and move on?
- Do they tell you when YOU are wrong?
If your answer is yes to any of those questions, then keep those family and friends around. They are the ones that have your relationship’s best interest at heart and not just yours. They support you in your relationship and want to see it flourish. I know for me, we’ve had quite a few people in our corner that wanted the best for us as a unit and their advice showed it.
If you don’t have anyone to talk to, which does happen as well as I’ve been there, turn to books, read relationship books, follow relationship experts, watch videos. If you can afford it, go and see a therapist or counselor. Just know that a good relationship is something that can be nurtured when both people commit to growing and learning together.
Question of the week!
What is the best relationship advice you have recieved? What is the worse?
Thank you for reading.
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